so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
