I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
