Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
