fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
