it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
