She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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