I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
