just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
