The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
