i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
