Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
