wrigley field is MILF paradise
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
