I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
