this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
This house was built for laser tag.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
