Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
