dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
