Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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