we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
whose parrot is this?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
