It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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