My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
