Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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