If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
