I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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