so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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