Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
