what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
