So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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