My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
