I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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