His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
