can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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