8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
