I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
