all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
