Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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