I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
