how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
FUCK WHALES
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
