I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
