Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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