Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
