I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
When did angry sex become our thing?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
