i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
