bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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