I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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