is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
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