You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Randomize
