Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
