i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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