don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
