She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
