Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
our cab driver is having phone sex.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
