I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
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