No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
