pop tarts are not kleenex
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just want to make out with him forever
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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