Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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